Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
"We stand at the bottom of that mountain feeling overwhelmed, feeling doubt, feeling where do I even begin? You begin when you decide to pick up the shovel. You begin when you determine that you will do all it takes, regardless… You begin when you decide that no matter how long it takes, no matter if your undertaking is successful or not – that it’s not the outcome that matters as much as the journey taken - that shoveling matters." (from http://tizitl.blogspot.com)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
ONE hour to madness and joy! O furious! O confine me not!
(What is this that frees me so in storms?
What do my shouts amid lightnings and raging winds mean?)
O to drink the mystic deliria deeper than any other man!
O savage and tender achings! (I bequeath them to you my children,
I tell them to you, for reasons, O bridegroom and bride.)
O to be yielded to you whoever you are, and you to be yielded to me
in defiance of the world!
O to return to Paradise! O bashful and feminine!
O to draw you to me, to plant on you for the first time the lips of
a determin'd man.
O the puzzle, the thrice-tied knot, the deep and dark pool, all
untied and illumin'd!
O to speed where there is space enough and air enough at last!
To be absolv'd from previous ties and conventions, I from mine and
you from yours!
To find a new unthought-of nonchalance with the best of Nature!
To have the gag remov'd from one's mouth!
To have the feeling to-day or any day I am sufficient as I am.
O something unprov'd! something in a trance!
To escape utterly from others' anchors and holds!
To drive free! to love free! to dash reckless and dangerous!
To court destruction with taunts, with invitations!
To ascend, to leap to the heavens of the love indicated to me!
To rise thither with my inebriate soul!
To be lost if it must be so!
To feed the remainder of life with one hour of fulness and freedom!
With one brief hour of madness and joy.
When all the tension, sorrow, and fear inside finally breaks and the tears come at last, like rain, all furious and gentle in the same moment.
Looking back on times of laughter with people that made it mean something eternal.
Fall leaves backlit by the sun while crisp air sears my lungs.
You. At least, I'm trying.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
for light in dark corners
and the spewing of soul wisdom
under white stars, with living guitars
dancing in hands trembling for joy
Tonight is one for reaching into chests
to pull out beautiful filthy hearts
to hook to one another's veins
to pump existence into flawed bodies
Tonight is one for raw experience
purest forms of holy communication
smiles and laughs and tears for the ages
great drops of soul-rain breaking down dams of kept in skeleton waters so the flood can free the land by way of beautiful destruction
Tonight is one for doors, not opened but thrown
with forward force off rusty hinges
cast aside like cares and burdens and evil hanging-over monsters of the responsible stale day that now shows its extreme lack of worth
Tonight is for me, it is filled with my longings, my red wishes and blue abstract desires
Tonight has a voice like a megaphone in my ear and it's begging me to come out and play in its vastness and joy and to bring those souls of my endearment along for a collective session of wide-eyed enlightenment, sitting at the feet of wise all-knowing Night and drinking her danger until the sick dawn-elephant stirs, until it raises its head to rise and still we laugh in its face, loving life too much to be anything but mad lunatics, proud of mad lunacy--
and perfection is in those waning moments, drunk with life.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
you come: from there
but where is there
and what the fare
to cross so many a border?
lines drawn by men with silken casts on
broken minds, with stealthy crafts and
i will find
you, though your flight is unseen
and your escorts demean all
attempts to glean from your
and i follow, i follow
always i follow
that i might without passport of mind
cross the lines
Monday, June 9, 2008
flooding my outstretched hand
a wounded heart carries the weight of the world
traversing a monochrome land
and i wonder why
(while i sit, they die)
you and i cannot fly
oh mother of death!
let the quilt that you wrap 'round our souls
rise out of mass graves
(churches and banks)
to suffocate all for which you give thanks
to halt the advance of the bloodthirsty ranks
and smother, smother, (smother!)
smoke and the sun are all that remains
but it rains
sweet and furious it rains
dark and glorious it rains
i bare my palm to the ground
Saturday, May 31, 2008
i go to expand my mind and my soul and my heart
i go to slide down slippery slopes of snow on a piece of wood
i go to learn to live outside myself
i go to kick myself out of my comfort zone
i go to free my soul
i go to break out of the bubble like escaping from jail
i go to be truly myself, where none knows any different
i go to share myself
i go to commune with strangers' souls
i go to defy my own expectations for myself
i go to live truly
i go to immerse myself in a different universe
i go to get away
i go to move on
i go to be free
i go to find beauty and meaning
i go to capture the same in various arts
i go so far
i go to argentina
and so i forsake thee temporarily, dear lemming tree
it seems that you shall be out of season
be ready, for though i go to charge off the cliffs
i'll be back
in a hot air balloon
with no regard for cliffs
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
welcome, fine guests, to my dark kingdom--
my evil empire (lake of fire)
walls of dire inky black
black more vibrant than any night sky
ever wished to lack
black with purpose
black with memory
black that knows my soul
as the river knows the barren peaks
whose purity it stole.
yet look no more! agape, aghast
upon these hell-washed bricks--
no sum of wide-eyed moments passed
could ever buy the fix--
set sail from under the shadow
cast by time's decrepit machine
let wonder's winds and wisdom's waves
propel this boat of dreams
to a land (that seems so) far away
to a city lit up like the day
by fireworks in constant play
a place so full of joy, (they say)
thunderstorms know to stay at bay
and the gods grant the gardens eternal may.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
loved ones lost to the tuna-fisher's net,
home polluted by wasteful creatures of no regret
alone and doubting, i could do nothing but fret
until, kind eyes and patches, we met.
i understand, my savannah's been burned
my livelihood spurned
despair and spite often adjourned
but with you here, my luck's been incredibly turned!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I'm not. I'm too lost in the collective labyrinth of apathy, comfortability, and selfishness. I say I want to do something but I don't. I say all I want for my life is to make a difference, and sometimes I make little mini-efforts and succeed in very small and finite moments, but I don't do anything lasting.
Tomorrow's two weeks since the end of my relationship with the most uniquely amazing girl I've ever met. It was a deep, beautiful, and incredible one, and its death was not close to being my choice. Her reasons were understandable and perhaps I'll come to see that it was for the best, but that doesn't quell the immense disconnect in my broken heart. Thoughts of her fill nearly every moment of thought that I have. I can't stop remembering all the dreams and touches and words. Who knows how long until I'm able to let go...
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
THE VOICES. THEY TELL ME. And I listen, but why? Fuck.
I need to be alright with my brokenness. I need to find oneness with something better and rise on its wings, because mine don't work.
The flood, the voices, they halt the unity. Soul flying is all I want, but how can I fly with this fog of everything that's been told me, everything around me, everything in me. I hate how so much of who I am is formed by things not under my control. Control. Why do I need control? Why am I always struggling to be right, to look good, to feel superlative?
I must find the way to be at peace with myself, to feel oneness truly, to wear the sunset instead of just look at it. There's so many things that I want that I'm not willing to put in the effort to find. Or I'm being held back by invisible forces on my subconscious, or maybe I'm really OK and this is all just a painful process...
Monday, March 31, 2008
it looms and i
set off alarms in my head,
take a backward step-
yet i am frozen by its stare.
now a SCREAM!
deep from its bowels
and it careens toward me.
faster and faster
out of control
it wants me and grows
along with its desire.
and now a red glow
in its rollers of death
i see too close
teeth and hair of friends!
and i run
the remaining few feet between us
with open arms.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
"You're obliged to pretend respect for people and institutions you think absurd. You live attached in a cowardly fashion to moral and social conventions you despise, condemn, and know lack all foundation. It is that permanent contradiction between your ideas and desires and all the dead formalities and vain pretenses of your civilization which makes you sad, troubled and unbalanced. In that intolerable conflict you lose all joy of life and all feeling of personality, because at every moment they suppress and restrain and check the free play of your powers. That's the poisoned and mortal wound of the civilized world." - Octave Mirbeau
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
once upon a time, there was a person.
the person like to paint themselves with purple pineapples.
every morning, the person dipped his brush in purple paint
pineapples danced on purple shores
and the person smiled
because it made him happy.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
And I wonder, are they always listening? How long will it be until our rights are so smeared in Patriot Acts and the like that they become unrecognizable? How much of our freedom will we give to preserve our lives?
But is not life worthless without freedom?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
And so do I.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
As soon as there's an audience expecting to be entertained, something changes. It's like we're a company, and they're consumers.
I know I want to share that joy with people, though. Busking must be the answer!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
There's something about being "liked" that gives one more confidence and more optimism.
There's something about being loved that makes everything OK, even when the aforementioned are nonexistent.
From The Prophet by Khalil Gibran:
Only another breath will I breathe in this still air, only another loving look cast backward,The man's writing nearly defines beauty. It uplifts my soul. I'm only 10 pages into The Prophet and I am in love with it already. Read!
Then I shall stand among you, a seafarer among seafarers.
And you, vast sea, sleepless mother,
Who alone are peace and freedom to the river and the stream,
Only another winding will this stream make, only another murmur in this glade,
And then shall I come to you, a boundless drop to a boundless ocean.
I will reach to the sky. I will reach through the confusion. I will reach my dreams.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
And if our ideas are dangerous, it is because we are those who love to live dangerously. And if our dreams are mad, it is because we are mad. But our madness is supreme wisdom. But our ideas are the heart of life; but our thoughts are the beacons of humanity. -Renzo Novatore
Saturday, January 5, 2008
I saw something awesome today: a minivan with bright colored Christmas lights strung throughout the roof rack! I was so proud of those people, and I was so incredibly thankful that people like them exist, and even as I write this I'm not sure what was so special about it, it just was. It was inspiring, and it made me want to go caroling this summer.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
This year, I want to really think all the time. To question all the time. To love truly, to create amazing things, to adventure, to take risks. I can't just coast through the days mindlessly like I've been doing way too much.
[interlude! i just thought of something awesome! ready? "I planned my past tomorrow." OK that's all :) ]
I know that the world is so much bigger than I realize. There's so much to learn, so much to discover. So much beauty and so many amazing people. I guess I'm looking forward to getting out of the bubble that I'm currently in. It could happen this summer. Stay tuned. :))
Happy 2008, all, like, 2 of you...