Sunday, May 3, 2009

my heart aches

to be with those with whom i have once connected on that soul level
the ones with whom i've shared beautiful moments, beautiful but fleeting
be it weeks, days, or hours, our time was short
and one or both of us was forced by circumstance and distance to return to our separate lives

CJ in Harrisburg... you became like my sister in only two sleepless days and nights, living radically to save lives, walking around in the city barefoot at 5AM & laughing
Diana G, wherever she is... music & the love of life brought us together the evening of valentines day
Abi, [insert higher power of choice] knows where you are, other than in my fondest memories, i wish we were still in argentina reveling in freedom and joy, snowboarding, drinking local beer and dancing to reggae
George from ? who I talked to about life on the Capitol steps for hours in the middle of the night... you told my your stories and i told you my plans and we smiled because we knew we were kindred spirits even though i think you're thirty years older
Johanna... i miss laughing deeper than anything with you & protecting you from guys twice my size in the club, and hiking up Cerro Otto & i know that you are my second sister
Heloisa in Brasil, peaceful teacher and soul-mentor... we danced and meditated and shared our wisdom and love in broken spanish & it was so welcomed me into your home and heart like none other...

all of these hold pieces of my heart & they are scattered across the globe. of course there are those with whom i am still with geographically, and those with whom i have been able to commune with for years of our lives, and i do not discount them in the least... however, in this moment my collective yearning is for these beautiful people whose physical existences were aligned with mine for only a short time...a flash in the vastness of time and space but each moment was a star a shooting star and may it be that we may see one another once again and dreams of stars will turn into smiling eyes.

connection is magical. when we feel so ALIVE and everything is beautiful because our souls reach out and hug each other's. we know the truth of life without knowing or needing the words for it.

and now i will hobble back to my room resting in the knowledge that it wasn't all a dream. every wonderful experience, transcendental moment, loving encounter, beautiful life-filled time that i have had has always seemed so surreal when looking back on it, almost unbelievable like i saw a movie through my own eyes... and it's always accompanied by some kind of pain, i suppose because what was once is no longer... it's a good pain, it's the ache that reminds us we are alive and it's buried deep in the chest where our faithful hearts keep pumping the blood that lets us live on for another day of seeking life & love & a soul to connect with.

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